Wednesday, October 04, 2006


Every year there was a big costume party in the Odd Fellow Palace in Copenhagen; I was going with Ebbe and his young lover, Palle. I did have the same taste in boys as Ebbe, and I fell for Palle at first sight. He was 18, a little taller than me and well made, as I had occasion to notice when we were undressing and dressing for the costume party. After that day I started seeing him often. Starting the following spring, Ebbe had a job as dentist in Switzerland for a year, and he had promised me that I could live in his apartment while he was away. He had let Palle know that that was the end of their relationship, so Palle would be free and I asked him if he would share the apartment and live with me, and he agreed.

I had envisioned a happy monogamous life, but Palle had other ideas. We had met a gay couple, Poul Benz, who was a lawyer, and Flemming Skov, a ballet dancer. A pair of bitchy queens if ever there was. Poul Benz could not stand being alone, and nearly every day he came by and asked us to accompany him driving around in his car. Palle was always ready, and mostly I chose to come along, not because I liked to, but because I wanted to be with Palle. By nature I am jealous, but I tried to overcome it and not let it take over. This daily effort caused a lot of frustration, and after a couple of months I came down with a serious hepatitis. When Palle saw that my moodiness and impatience was caused by illness, he became very tender and thoughtful and took good care of me.
But what was cause and what effect?
My convalescence took a whole year and by the end of it Palle decided to apprentice for a year in a childcare center in Germany.

Our friend Jan had met a boy in Yugoslavia and shortly before Palle left, Zoran arrived, and there was a welcome party for him. I was dancing with Zoran and there was an immediate intense attraction between us. He was not exactly good-looking and his communist clothes were not flattering, but the chemistry was there. Jan wanted me to entertain him and take him out since I had time and spoke French. The first time he came, we took a walk around the Lakes, but we both knew what would happen as soon as we would come home and be alone. His body was perfect, boyish but muscular with skin smooth and translucent. I later took him to the gay professor Riiseby at the Royal Academy who was looking for a model. At first the professor looked doubtful, but as soon as Zoran took off his clothes he became enthusiastic - as I knew he would - and Zoran had the job. He was the sexiest boy I ever met, and he evoked lust in everyone susceptible to boyish charms.
When the time came for the next yearly costume party, Zoran wanted me to dress as a woman. I felt that I would be disgusting now, at the age of 30, and with a mustache, but Zoran insisted.
“I will do it if you promise to dance with me all evening,” I said.
“I will,” said Zoran, ”I promise.” And he kept his promise!
At Christmas I went to Germany to be with Palle. When he asked me if I had been faithful I admitted that I had not, and I think he already guessed what had happened. I had not expected that he would take that to heart; he had not exactly been faithful to me. But I could see that he did.
Back in Copenhagen, Zoran had us both, Jan and me, completely in his pocket. He arranged to have Jan ask me to let him stay three days with me. To me he complained about Jan; he told me that Jan beat him. He played it like he was unhappy with Jan, and I was his true love. After he went to Paris, Jan could not stop talking about him, and I got the story of their happy time together, very different from Zoran's version. I did not deserve better than this double play from Zoran since I myself had deceived Jan. Only, Jan was not hurt because he never knew. I was hurt, but not so much that I did not seek out Zoran the next couple of times I came to Paris.
When Palle came back from Germany Zoran was gone. I was hoping we could get our relationship back on track, but when we had to move four or five months later, Palle said he was not going to come. He had fallen in love with Henning whom I had met while I was conscientious objector in Oxbøl and introduced in our home. They moved in together, and I only saw Palle a couple of times after.

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