ANOTHER STORY FROM SIDI ALI

Every evening there was a lively scene in Sid Srer's café, many pipes passed around, card games were played and the young men flirted eagerly with me. Then one day a boy came that I had not seen before. He was very young, but well developed; a smooth young gazelle. I sat on the floor and he sat on the chair that I was leaning on; I felt his hard thigh warm through his threadbare cotton pants. That night I dreamt about him. Next day he was back at dusk. He asked me if I would like to take a walk. We took the road out of town, walking in silence through the bright moonlit landscape. Then we sat on a rock and Daoud said: ”Don’t you have fun with the schoolboys?”
“I would like to with you,” I said.
We went back hand in hand and I succeeded in sneaking him into my house in the dark; nobody saw it. The day after, Daoud came again to the café and we walked away without subterfuge and made love on a flat rock while the sun was setting.
Later I did this drawing of the blissful unity of flesh and mountain:

When it began to get dark we got up. A flute began to play nearby, and I knew that we had been observed.
The following day the story was all over town, and I had occasion to find out who were my real friends and who had been pretending. The true friends did not mention anything, but the false ones were jeering and asking obscene questions; obviously they knew all the details, and it was considered that I had taken the unmanly role. The owner of the café and my house, Sid Srer, laughed and said: “They all do it, but it must be in secret!“
It was like a biblical fall to me because I had promised myself to be chaste. I was tempted to flee, but I felt that I had to be strong and stay by my choice of action. I searched the Bhagavad Ghita for an answer and found this: "Support your Self with your Self and banish the enemy that takes the form of desire and that is difficult to stamp out."

Temptations

One bleak day I was wandering round in Meknès. I was all alone and my confusion was so overwhelming that I had the power to pray with complete sincerity: "Oh, Lord, give me a sign for I see no light!" At that moment, from the farthest corner of the empty plaza, a small boy came running towards me with outstretched arms. It was as if I was his long awaited father returning, and I lifted him up and hugged him, and my heart was calmed.
Sid Srer said: "Forget the past", and so I concentrated on my painting. Still I was constantly on an emotional rollercoaster. There were days miserable with stomach trouble, migraine, and rashes on arms and legs but also days happy with inspiration, where poems and paintings seemed meaningful and easy.

Alone in the garden
This Friday
Afternoon
With holiday voices
Around me.

Scent of orange
And urine
Disappears in a breeze.

The kiss of judas.